A Quote

First off, I'd like to take a moment to express my thanks. For all of you who have wished me happy thoughts - your support does boost me on the dreary days. My sincere gratitude for the kindness.

And now onto the regularly scheduled program . . . .

It's no secret that I'm a voracious reader of books. I love love love the written word. Classic literature, poetry, fiction, romance, murder mystery, crime thrillers, etc. Not so much on the biography/autobiography genre though. Anywho, I love Dean Koontz. Surprisingly I came across a quote in his Frankenstein books that hit home to me. "What he knows is usually not as powerful as what he feels, which is the curse of his condition."

Lightbulb. Ding ding ding. That phrase 100% elucidates the mentality behind a phobia. Common sense and rationality tell me that vomit is a body function, albeit a revolting one. They tell me logically I have nothing to "fear" by it aside from being disgusted. However, my phobia is not rational. There is no making sense of it or rationalizing it when in the grips of a panic attack. The truth I know is never as strong as the terror I feel when confronted by it or worry about the possibility of facing it.

I mentioned two posts ago how I was trying out a hypnotist. It was not an ideal experience. The dude was a crackpot old buzzard that I instantly took a dislike to. He wanted to focus mostly on stupid stick people drawings that he had me do, whereby he then dissected my childhood saying nobody listened to me because my people were drawn without ears.  No numb-nuts; they do not have ears because they are fartin' stick people. Maybe is was the Nag Champa incense haze that made him not clearly see I was getting red faced and more ticked off by the minute. After blustering, pontificating, and lecturing me for 45 minutes he finally administered the hypnotism. I remained unaffected. Perhaps anger blocked my inner self from being receptive? Or maybe it's because I don't have ears on my stick people.

Despite the lack of success with him, I have not ruled out trying it again. Assuredly, I will research more professionals before choosing another and most definitely will not go back to him.  Harrumph.

I'll also still pursue a more traditional approach. I have my counseling appointment rescheduled and will meet with a therapist on this coming Tuesday. This girl is not giving up for the sake of my family and self.

I do wish you all the merriest of Christmases, blessings from above, and the happiest of hearts. Not sure if I'll have time to pop in again about the counseling until after Christmas. I'm going to be knuckle deep in candy, soap --Yes Soap!!, and last minute Christmas preparations up to the weekend.

Cheers, Courtney